Success often hinges on two important traits: Confidence and assertiveness. Unfortunately for many women, assertiveness and confidence don’t come easily. It’s just not in our nature, so improvement in these areas could have great impact in our personal and professional lives.
If you could use a boost in these areas, here are 5 steps to become more assertive and confident:
1. Learn the difference between being aggressive and being assertive. People respond better to an assertive person rather than an aggressive person.
- Aggressive Definition – aggressive people are seen as bullies who approach a problem with harsh criticism. They would say someone is doing a project “all wrong,” for example.
- Assertive Definition – An assertive person, on the other hand, approaches the same situation with concerns and ideas to improve the project.
Your goal should be to approach people with positive attitudes and solutions to problems. If you respect others and treat them as you want to be treated, you’ll have the same courtesy returned to you.
2. Become informed. One of the best paths to more confidence is to know your subject matter. No matter what the situation is, the more you know, the more confident you’ll be. It doesn’t matter if it’s a job interview, a presentation to your peers, or speaking up at a PTA meeting, knowing what you’re talking about will give you that aura of confidence you desire.
A good way to know an issue inside and out is to think of all the questions you, as well as others, have on the subject, then find out what the answers are. The more you know, the more confident you’ll feel.
3. Model your behavior after people you admire. Chances are, they have the assertiveness and confidence you’re looking for in your own life. Studying people who have the traits you crave is one of the best ways to create those very same traits in yourself.
Begin to observe how they approach situations. Pay attention to what they say and how they say it. Most importantly, watch their body language. Many people will label others as confident without ever having spoken to them. They say that person just exuded confidence when they walked in the room. So pay close attention to how you carry yourself. Then begin training assertive behaviors into your everyday routine.
4. Overcome shyness. First off, shyness is not the same as having low self-esteem. Many shy people have a very positive image of themselves, but they lack assertiveness and confidence.
Shyness can range from healthy to overwhelming and debilitating. If you’re shy, consider the following assertiveness and confidence training techniques to overcome your shyness:
- Visualization. Visualize yourself as assertive and confident in situations and circumstances where you typically withdraw. This will help you feel more comfortable and prepare you for the unexpected.
- Celebrate your wins. Don’t fixate on the times where your shyness held you back. Instead, focus on the times that you weren’t shy, when you comfortably participated in conversations, even initiated them.
5. Speak up. For effective communication, assertive delivery and confidence are key. Practice speaking with confidence, even if you don’t feel confident. The more you practice, the more it will become second nature.
People who are shy often dislike the sound of their own voices. By practicing speeches in front of a mirror or with trusted friends, you will gain the confidence you need.
Learning to be confident and assertive can enable you to achieve your goals with ease, whatever they may be. Practicing these and other methods will put you on the right track to success, but first and foremost, you must believe in yourself and your abilities.
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