5 Keys to Building Strong Relationships

Relationships are important to everyone. As the saying goes, “No man is an island.” We need and depend on each other. Our relationships help define who we are and how we get along in the world, so we’re often judged by the company we keep.

Relationships add layers of depth to your life. Whether they’re with family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, supervisors, or mentors, each one can touch your life and make a difference, so you want to build and cherish all your relationships.

Whether the relationship is in your business or personal life, strong relationships take time, attention, and energy to build, maintain, and nurture.

Here are 5 essential keys to building healthy relationships:

Be Honest. People respond to honesty. In a world where people are often faced with scams and lies, honesty is a priority. The relationships you form with honesty as a foundation will be strong and powerful.

Apologize. If you’re wrong about anything or do something that offends or hurts someone, admit it. Everyone makes mistakes; after all, we’re all human. People respect you more if you admit your mistakes and apologize. Respect strengthens your relationships.

Stay in touch. Relationships require exchanges. In our world today, we have many options to communicate and improve our relationships. Face to face is always the best. Enjoy coffee, lunch, or just stop in for a chat. Not only are you communicating, but you’re also fully devoting your time to them as well.

Recognize accomplishments. Let people know that you notice even their small accomplishments. Everyone likes to be noticed and recognized. It fosters good feelings and builds on your relationship when you give someone a well-deserved compliment.

• Let your co-worker know they did a great job on their presentation.
• Tell your husband thanks for washing your car.
• Give your child a hug for doing a great job on anything!

Take a genuine interest in those you have relationships with. Don’t just serve up generic compliments from time to time. Ask questions. Showing an interest and remembering small personal details lets them know that you’re thinking about them and that you’re interested in their life.

• Learn from their experiences. For example, you can ask, “How did you do that?”
• Ask about what they’ve been working on.
• Inquire about their family, baseball team, or the new puppy.

Relationships add much to our lives. In our personal life, they can add the richness of friends and shared memories. In our business life, they can bring us success and recognition. Strong, healthy relationships are the founding corners of a rewarding life.

Relationships grow over time. While there are the rare finds where you instantly bond with someone, this is the exception rather than the rule. Be sure to follow these tips to build and nurture profitable relationships that will stand the tests of time and challenges.

Mars and Venus Stressed Out

Did you know that women have a different stress response than men? It’s true.

You’ve probably heard of the fight or flight response, but recent research shows it really only applies to men. They’re coded to beat the crap out of whatever is stressing them or move away from it, either slowly or at a dead run. Of course, we no longer face the dangers our brains and bodies were built to deal with, so our responses have had to adapt as well.

For instance, say you’re having a “discussion” with your husband and you notice that his eyes have glazed over. You know he’s not listening anymore, that he’s probably replaying his golf game last Saturday and is wondering where he went wrong on the seventh hole. This is the modern “flight” response. And as he’s replaying that seventh hole in his mind, he sees himself once again slicing his ball into the trees then taking out his frustration on a nearby bush with his 5 iron. This would be the “fight” response.

Before you get too irked at him for tuning you out, though, it turns out that we women also have our own less-than-endearing ways of coping with stress. Our stress response starts out the same as men, but then we get this extra hormone kick that mellows us out. This hormone, oxytocin, turns on our protective, mothering tendencies, and the response it produces is called “tending and befriending.” When we feel threatened, our first priority is to ensure the safety of ourselves and those we love, as well as to see that our basic needs are met. We also gather our support system, like friends and family, for backup.

Fortunately, our lives are filled with abundance these days, and we usually have plenty of support from friends, family, and even coworkers. Unfortunately, just like men, this means our coping strategies aren’t very effective any more. Oh, we still try to tend and befriend, but it ends up biting us in the rear.

Let’s go back to that heated discussion you were having with your hubby. You’re feeling a little stressed because he isn’t listening to you, so your body starts to react. It’s a safe bet that all your basic needs have already been met—you have plenty of food in the fridge, a roof over your head, and you aren’t naked—so your tending instinct goes a bit wonky. Since you don’t need anything for your immediate survival, that must mean you should stock pile. So off to the mall you go to get several new outfits, a couple pairs of shoes, a new purse, and maybe a new TV.

Or maybe your tending instinct tells you that, even though you just had dinner and you have plenty of food in the fridge so there’s no chance of starving in the near future, you should still go eat everything in the kitchen. And start with the Twinkies!

If that weren’t bad enough, your inclination to befriend can get you into trouble, too. It’s designed to help you build community support in the interest of survival, but I doubt your life is at stake because your husband tuned you out. So what do you do instead? You call up your girlfriends and start bitching about what a jerk he is. You’re looking for people to emotionally support you. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help the tension between you and your husband. In fact, it probably strains the relationship even further.

Then what’s a girl to do? Well, first, learn to recognize your stress response and take note of patterns in your coping behavior. Do you like to indulge in retail therapy, fridge therapy, or a bitch session with your friends? If so, find a better way to deal with the stress. Go for a walk (and not around the mall, girlfriend!) or give yourself a spa treatment with a long, hot bubble bath. Find something you enjoy doing and that makes you feel pampered, too. You have to satisfy that tendency to nurture yourself, without indulging in behaviors that will lead to further stress.

5 Reasons For a Weekly Date Night

Valentine’s Day is the THE big date night of the year, but what about the other 51 weeks? Don’t you and the hubster deserve a little one-on-one time together on a regular basis?

I know, I know, you’d have to get a babysitter and you’re just too tired anyway, and seriously, your legs haven’t seen a razor since your beach vacation last July. Well, as many excuses as there are not to have a regular date night, there are even better ones in favor of it. For instance:

1. Grow together, not apart – It’s too easy to lead separate lives within a marriage. He has his friends, you have yours. He has his job, you have yours. He goes to the gym in the morning, you go after work. There’s very little opportunity to spend time together and reconnect. A couple of hours one night a week goes a long way to keeping you up-to-date in your partner’s life.

2. Be the true you – We wear lots of hats each day – mom, coworker, sister, etc. – and each hat comes with a different set of rules. As a mom, you want to set a good example, so you don’t call the guy who just cut you off in traffic that very creative four-letter-word that was on the tip of your tongue. And heaven forbid you go without pantyhose at the office or wear that cute little top that you love that gives just a peek at “the girls.” Date night gives you a chance to throw out all the rules and just be yourself.

3. No responsibility, all fun – Our lives seem to be run by jammed calendars and mile-long To Do lists, at work and at home. So taking a break from our responsibilities once a week gives us a chance to relax and have fun. And afterall, isn’t this the person your hubby fell in love with?

4. A date with a hot guy – By the same token, you get to see the goofy, sexy, sweet guy you swooned over years ago. Well, hello, you sexy beast! Where’ve you been?

5. Cheaper than divorce – Seriously, I’ve been there. And the high price of divorce – both monetarily and emotionally – is not an expense I’m willing to take on again. For the same money, I could take a fabulously romantic vacation with my hubby (and feel a whole other range of emotions)! So book a cabin instead of a court date.

Making a commitment to set aside time for your relationship will strengthen the bond you created so many years ago. So what are you waiting for? Go have fun!