If you could use a boost in these areas, here are 5 steps to become more assertive and confident:

1. Learn the difference between being aggressive and being assertive. People respond better to an assertive person rather than an aggressive person.

• Aggressive Definition – aggressive people are seen as bullies who approach a problem with harsh criticism. They would say someone is doing a project “all wrong,” for example.
• Assertive Definition – An assertive person, on the other hand, approaches the same situation with concerns and ideas to improve the project.

Your goal should be to approach people with positive attitudes and solutions to problems. If you respect others and treat them as you want to be treated, you’ll have the same courtesy returned to you.

2. Become informed. One of the best paths to more confidence is to know your subject matter. No matter what the situation is, the more you know, the more confident you’ll be. It doesn’t matter if it’s a job interview, a presentation to your peers, or speaking up at a PTA meeting, knowing what you’re talking about will give you that aura of confidence you desire.

A good way to know an issue inside and out is to think of all the questions you, as well as others, have on the subject, then find out what the answers are. The more you know, the more confident you’ll feel.

3. Model your behavior after people you admire. Chances are, they have the assertiveness and confidence you’re looking for in your own life. Studying people who have the traits you crave is one of the best ways to create those very same traits in yourself.

Begin to observe how they approach situations. Pay attention to what they say and how they say it. Most importantly, watch their body language. Many people will label others as confident without ever having spoken to them. They say that person just exuded confidence when they walked in the room. So pay close attention to how you carry yourself. Then begin training assertive behaviors into your everyday routine.

4.  Overcome shyness. First off, shyness is not the same as having low self-esteem. Many shy people have a very positive image of themselves, but they lack assertiveness and confidence.

Shyness can range from healthy to overwhelming and debilitating. If you’re shy, consider the following assertiveness and confidence training techniques to overcome your shyness:

• Visualization. Visualize yourself as assertive and confident in situations and circumstances where you typically withdraw. This will help you feel more comfortable and prepare you for the unexpected.

• Celebrate your wins. Don’t fixate on the times where your shyness held you back. Instead, focus on the times that you weren’t shy, when you comfortably participated in conversations, even initiated them.

5. Speak up. For effective communication, assertive delivery and confidence are key. Practice speaking with confidence, even if you don’t feel confident. The more you practice, the more it will become second nature.

People who are shy often dislike the sound of their own voices. By practicing speeches in front of a mirror or with trusted friends, you will gain the confidence you need.

Learning to be confident and assertive can enable you to achieve your goals with ease, whatever they may be. Practicing these and other methods will put you on the right track to success, but first and foremost, you must believe in yourself and your abilities.

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So how do you shake off a bad mood?

Easy! Just try out one of these simple ideas to go from funky to fabulous:

1. Get dressed. That’s right. If you’re grumping around in your bathrobe, get up, take a shower, and put on some nice clothes. Studies show that your mood has a lot to do with your self-image. By getting dressed and doing what it takes to make yourself look good on the outside, you feel better on the inside. When you feel better on the inside, your mood changes significantly and you’re ready to face the day.

2. Get moving. Exercise releases hormones that help alter your mood. It doesn’t really matter what you do, just get up and get moving. Getting up and doing something, whether it’s exercising or even walking over to the nearest coffee shop, can give you a big mood boost.

3. Meditate. Focusing your mind along with deep breathing exercises can break you out of any sour mood. Remember back in grade school when you were taught to take deep breaths and count to 10 when you got angry? It was actually for a very good reason. By focusing and breathing slowly, our bodies tend to respond in a positive way by relaxing and releasing tension.

4. Hang out with friends. What are friends for? They put things into perspective and provide a diversion from what’s bothering us.

5. Laugh. There’s no possible way that you can laugh and stay in a bad mood. It’s proven that your emotions follow your actions. So next time you’re in a bad mood, try watching a sitcom or tuning into a comedy channel.

6. Treat yourself. Do something just for you. Now, I don’t advocate retail therapy or fridge therapy. The key is to pamper yourself a little by doing something you don’t normally do. But make sure it’s a healthy treat, like a massage or spa treatment.

Don’t wait for a funky day to try some of these tips. Add several of these feel-good actions to every day, and you’ll soon discover lasting happiness. People may even start calling you perky!

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Are you achieving all the goals you set? Why not? Are you abandoning them when the merest of obstacles pop up in our way?

In order to be successful in your goal-setting, you have to anticipate obstacles. But most importantly, I think you need to recognize when you are creating the obstacles.

No matter what task you’re taking on, you can set yourself up for success!

Here are some ways to deal with obstacles that may thwart your endeavors:

Set SMART Goals. Know exactly what it is you’re trying to do. You can’t begin without a plan of some kind. Take the time to plan out your goals and the steps you will take to reach them. Beginning with the end in mind helps you visualize your success.

Expect the unexpected. Even with an exceptional plan, the reality is that things rarely go exactly as you’d expect. You’ll have to stop and make changes at times, and that’s okay! Be prepared for the unexpected with ideas on how to handle a situation if it arises.

• Identify the parts of your plan that may become problematic and lay out alternatives. This will help ensure that you’re not caught off guard when something goes awry.

Trust yourself. You’re in charge of your journey to success. You set your goals and you’re the one making it happen, so you must trust yourself. If you truly have a great passion for what you’re going to do, then you’ll be the best judge of what you want.

• Follow your instincts. That little voice in the back of your head may very well end up telling you exactly what you need to succeed in your goals.

Get help. If there’s something in your way, and it’s too big of an obstacle for you to remove on your own, get help! You can’t do everything by yourself. As humans, we’re social beings, and we need help from those around us.

• Get your friends, family or co-workers involved and welcome their input on how to get around an obstacle in your path. This will bring in new ideas and fresh perspectives on the problem in ways you may have never considered.

Change your approach. There are times when, no matter how hard you try, things just don’t go your way. This is where you need to stop, take a step back, and look at things from a different perspective.

• You become used to your routine, so the fine details can easily slip past you. Take a break and walk away for a little bit. Change your focus for a time; then come back to the problem and you may see something you missed. In order to succeed, we sometimes have to change our approach completely.

Never ever give up. Nothing has ever been solved or accomplished by giving up. Vince Lombardi said it best: “Winners never quit and quitters never win!” This is as true as it gets.

• Being too rigid on something can be counterproductive.  Keep at the problem until you find a solution. It’s there; you just have to find it.

Start again. Sometimes, despite all your efforts, you need to rebuild from the ground up. Maybe one of your fundamental ideas was wrong and had an effect on everything else. This happens, and while it’s a setback, it’s not the end of your dream.

With a little more effort and hard work, you can do it!

Being successful isn’t easy, and it involves a lot of hard work, dedication and sometimes sacrifices. With these tips, a good plan, and positive people around you to help, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

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Many times, we feel overwhelmed with a task, so we continue to put it off until we have no choice but to complete it. Now throw on all the new projects we received while we were putting off the first project, and you have a prime equation for some serious procrastination.

Procrastination doesn’t have to be a way of life for you; you can overcome it. With a little focus and the right attitude, coupled with some practical tips and techniques, procrastination can be a thing of the past.

Here are five strategies you can use today to help you bite the procrastination bug back:

1. Set small goals. Setting small, quickly achievable goals can help you avoid procrastinating in the first place so you don’t get overwhelmed. Here are some tips for setting those small goals:

• Break your big project up into smaller steps. These steps can be completed systematically one at a time. Make sure you have well-defined end points for each smaller goal, that way you have something to keep you going.
• Setting small goals provides you a nonstop feeling of accomplishment as they’re attained. With each individual success, you feel better about yourself, and this motivates you to continue.
• Giving yourself break points allows you to focus on each individual task and takes the overwhelming feeling out of the job. In addition, they give you a prime place to get up, move around, and refresh yourself for the next step.

2. Avoid distractions. We all do it. We sit down to start working, but have to get back up and grab some coffee. Then we sit back down and check email, then voicemail, and then email again just to make sure no one sent a message while we were checking the voicemail. How long did that take?

• Try checking your email only twice a day instead of every 5 minutes. You need to have some time to focus!
• Get everything you want, need or think you need before you sit down to start working so you can concentrate.

3. Delegate. Start giving some of your responsibilities to others instead of hogging them for yourself and creating more stress. Stress leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to tight deadlines, and tight deadlines lead to more stress; it’s a vicious cycle.

4. Keep a list. A constant reminder of the things you absolutely need to do is a great way to avoid procrastination. A small pocket notebook or even a note card works wonders for list keeping.

• Keeping a list puts your daily to-dos in front of you at all times for quick reference.
• Include your small goals on your list. Get started early each day completing those small, easy goals. Doesn’t it feel great to scratch through the things you’ve completed? Before you know it, the whole list is marked off!

5. Turn it off. When you’re done for the day, shut down everything work-related. Don’t take it home if you can help it.

• Turn your brain off at the end of your workday. By giving your brain a break, you help avoid over exhaustion and keep your mind fresh for the next day.
• Spend some time doing the things you love to recharge your batteries for the next day.

Pick one or two of these techniques and try them out for three weeks. Studies have shown it takes 21 days to form a habit and if you truly want to beat procrastination, you have to make productivity a habit.

When you’ve made a habit of one of the strategies, pick out another one, and before you know it, you’ll be the personification of productive!

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Relationships add layers of depth to your life. Whether they’re with family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, supervisors, or mentors, each one can touch your life and make a difference, so you want to build and cherish all your relationships.

Whether the relationship is in your business or personal life, strong relationships take time, attention, and energy to build, maintain, and nurture.

Here are 5 essential keys to building healthy relationships:

Be Honest. People respond to honesty. In a world where people are often faced with scams and lies, honesty is a priority. The relationships you form with honesty as a foundation will be strong and powerful.

Apologize. If you’re wrong about anything or do something that offends or hurts someone, admit it. Everyone makes mistakes; after all, we’re all human. People respect you more if you admit your mistakes and apologize. Respect strengthens your relationships.

Stay in touch. Relationships require exchanges. In our world today, we have many options to communicate and improve our relationships. Face to face is always the best. Enjoy coffee, lunch, or just stop in for a chat. Not only are you communicating, but you’re also fully devoting your time to them as well.

Recognize accomplishments. Let people know that you notice even their small accomplishments. Everyone likes to be noticed and recognized. It fosters good feelings and builds on your relationship when you give someone a well-deserved compliment.

• Let your co-worker know they did a great job on their presentation.
• Tell your husband thanks for washing your car.
• Give your child a hug for doing a great job on anything!

Take a genuine interest in those you have relationships with. Don’t just serve up generic compliments from time to time. Ask questions. Showing an interest and remembering small personal details lets them know that you’re thinking about them and that you’re interested in their life.

• Learn from their experiences. For example, you can ask, “How did you do that?”
• Ask about what they’ve been working on.
• Inquire about their family, baseball team, or the new puppy.

Relationships add much to our lives. In our personal life, they can add the richness of friends and shared memories. In our business life, they can bring us success and recognition. Strong, healthy relationships are the founding corners of a rewarding life.

Relationships grow over time. While there are the rare finds where you instantly bond with someone, this is the exception rather than the rule. Be sure to follow these tips to build and nurture profitable relationships that will stand the tests of time and challenges.

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You’ve probably heard of the fight or flight response, but recent research shows it really only applies to men. They’re coded to beat the crap out of whatever is stressing them or move away from it, either slowly or at a dead run. Of course, we no longer face the dangers our brains and bodies were built to deal with, so our responses have had to adapt as well.

For instance, say you’re having a “discussion” with your husband and you notice that his eyes have glazed over. You know he’s not listening anymore, that he’s probably replaying his golf game last Saturday and is wondering where he went wrong on the seventh hole. This is the modern “flight” response. And as he’s replaying that seventh hole in his mind, he sees himself once again slicing his ball into the trees then taking out his frustration on a nearby bush with his 5 iron. This would be the “fight” response.

Before you get too irked at him for tuning you out, though, it turns out that we women also have our own less-than-endearing ways of coping with stress. Our stress response starts out the same as men, but then we get this extra hormone kick that mellows us out. This hormone, oxytocin, turns on our protective, mothering tendencies, and the response it produces is called “tending and befriending.” When we feel threatened, our first priority is to ensure the safety of ourselves and those we love, as well as to see that our basic needs are met. We also gather our support system, like friends and family, for backup.

Fortunately, our lives are filled with abundance these days, and we usually have plenty of support from friends, family, and even coworkers. Unfortunately, just like men, this means our coping strategies aren’t very effective any more. Oh, we still try to tend and befriend, but it ends up biting us in the rear.

Let’s go back to that heated discussion you were having with your hubby. You’re feeling a little stressed because he isn’t listening to you, so your body starts to react. It’s a safe bet that all your basic needs have already been met—you have plenty of food in the fridge, a roof over your head, and you aren’t naked—so your tending instinct goes a bit wonky. Since you don’t need anything for your immediate survival, that must mean you should stock pile. So off to the mall you go to get several new outfits, a couple pairs of shoes, a new purse, and maybe a new TV.

Or maybe your tending instinct tells you that, even though you just had dinner and you have plenty of food in the fridge so there’s no chance of starving in the near future, you should still go eat everything in the kitchen. And start with the Twinkies!

If that weren’t bad enough, your inclination to befriend can get you into trouble, too. It’s designed to help you build community support in the interest of survival, but I doubt your life is at stake because your husband tuned you out. So what do you do instead? You call up your girlfriends and start bitching about what a jerk he is. You’re looking for people to emotionally support you. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help the tension between you and your husband. In fact, it probably strains the relationship even further.

Then what’s a girl to do? Well, first, learn to recognize your stress response and take note of patterns in your coping behavior. Do you like to indulge in retail therapy, fridge therapy, or a bitch session with your friends? If so, find a better way to deal with the stress. Go for a walk (and not around the mall, girlfriend!) or give yourself a spa treatment with a long, hot bubble bath. Find something you enjoy doing and that makes you feel pampered, too. You have to satisfy that tendency to nurture yourself, without indulging in behaviors that will lead to further stress.

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Sleep deprivation has a profound affect on your mental, emotional, as well as physical wellbeing. It can affect your overall daily performance, compromising your efficiency, productivity and competency. You may find yourself short-tempered, anxious, and unable to focus. And if the insomnia persists, it can lead to other health issues.

The causes of insomnia vary, but if your sleeplessness is due to nothing more than bad habits or an ineffective bed-time routine, you can easily make a few changes in your daily habits and can be sleeping like a baby in no time. Let’s take a look at some things that may be robbing you of a good night’s sleep.

Caffeine–I know you’ve heard it all before, but it bears repeating: Caffeine is a stimulant. That means it revs up your body’s physiological processes, including your brain activity. It wakes you up. You may need this in the morning after not sleeping well the night before, but lay off the caffeine early in the afternoon. Switch to a decaffeinated version of your favorite beverge if possible. And don’t forget those “hidden” sources of caffeine, like chocolate, tea, and over-the-counter and prescription medicines.

TV–For many of us, watching TV is our favorite form of relaxation. It’s true that your body may be relaxed while you lie on the couch for hours in the evening, but unfortunately, the TV keeps your mind active. And if you can’t shut down your brain, you can’t begin the sleep cycle. So turn off the TV at least an hour before you want to go to sleep.

Internet–If you like surfing the internet right before bed, you may be setting yourself up for a sleepless night. As with watching TV, surfing the internet keeps your mind in an active state, preventing you from relaxing into the sleep cycle.

Work–Are you guilty of trying to squeeze in an hour or two of work after the kids go to bed? Again, you’re preventing your mind from shutting down for the night. Even making a list of what you want to accomplish the next day stimulates the brain and makes it more difficult to fall asleep. Set strict work hours and keep all work-related tasks within that time-frame.

Many things can contribute to your sleeplessness, but simple changes like these can have a significant impact on your quantity and quality of sleep. Eliminate these from your daily routine and you’ll soon be sleeping like a baby.

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Maybe. But then again, maybe not.

It’s true that we don’t have many of the pressures that you find in a corporate office setting–unending distractions, coworker conflicts, demanding bosses, cramped and poorly lit work spaces–but working at home does have a few drawbacks of its own that, if not addressed, can cause serious stress symptoms.

Interestingly, or should I say ironically, the very reasons many of us choose to work from home are the same reasons we find our stress levels rising. Here are a few examples.

Work-at-Home Benefit #1–Flexible Schedule
Working from home means you can occasionally take a few hours off during the day for personal business, like errands, your kids’ school activities, or mani-pedis. After all, you can work later when the kids go to bed.
Translation: You frequently, not occasionally, work into the wee hours of the night, leaving you irritable, fuzzy-headed, and jumpy from the copious amounts of caffeine you drink to stay awake.

Work-at-Home Benefit #2–More Time Off
You understand the importance of getting away from the office, disengaging from work obligations. So as your own boss, you get to take as many vacation and sick days as you need.
Translation: Your definition of vacations are when you work from “satellite offices” in other states and countries where there are a lot of tourist attractions. And sick days are when you move your office to a room down the hall where you work lying in an office bed instead of sitting in an office chair. It’s a good thing that you have unlimited sick days and vacation time, because you never seem to feel rejuvenated, and you just can’t seem to get over your recent illness.

Work-at-Home Benefit #3–The 5-Second Commute
Having an office in your home means not spending 2 hours in the morning dressing for work and commuting through bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Translation: No need to “leave your work at the office.” You can pop in there anytime to take care of quick tasks since you’re already dressed for work (after all, Hello Kitty pajamas are acceptable office attire) and you’re “driving” by there on your way to the kitchen anyway. Of course, those looming deadlines and unfinished projects tend to distract you from your family time and keep you up at night when they’re just a few steps away.

Work-at-Home Benefit #4–Fewer Distractions
Working from home means no distractions from chatty coworkers, ringing telephones, or your boss asking how to load paper into the copier.
Translation: Without all those distractions, you’re able to write an article, put a load of laundry in the washer, send an email to a colleague, throw something in the crock pot for dinner, learn a new software program, take your kids to the park. Wait a minute, what was I doing?

All joking aside, it’s important to separate your work from your personal life. By doing this, you more fully participate in family time and you’re more efficient during work hours. One of the few benefits, in my opinion, to working outside the home is that you can easily compartmentalize your home life and your work life.

When you’re at work, you have no choice but to focus on work, and when you leave the office, the work stays there. In addition, the commute home, even if it’s just ten minutes, gives you the opportunity to transition from a work frame of mind to a family oriented mindset.

But when your office is in your home, it’s up to you to draw clear boundaries between family and work.

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Let’s be real. You may be able to do all of these things some of the time, but I doubt you can do all of these things all of the time. If you’re trying to, you may find yourself suffering burnout and may begin to experience symptoms of stress.

To me, life balance isn’t about doing everything, and doing it perfectly. It’s about identifying what’s important to me and making sure that I spend most of my time doing, getting, or keeping it. And I do this by using an easy 3-step process.

1. Examine–First, I review my calendar to see what I’m currently spending my time on. I divide it into categories like family, husband, me, social, work, chores/home, etc.

2. E-VALUE-ate–Next, I write down what is most important to me in life, what I value most right now. For many of us, this is spending time with our children and our spouses, but it could also be our work if we have been lucky enough to find a career that is very fulfilling. For each of us, what we hold most dear will be different. Knowing what’s important helps determine how we want to spend our time from now on.

3. Exchange–Now I go back to my calendar to see if I’m actually spending time on the things I value most. Tip: If you keep your calendar on your computer, you may be able to color-code the types of activities, making it very easy to see which category you’re spending the most time in. If you find that you are not spending most of your time on the things that bring you the most joy, then begin letting go of those obligations that aren’t fulfilling and fill in those times with the activities and people you truly value.

There are a couple things to keep in mind, though, in this process. When you create your list of values, you might find it helpful to rank them in order of importance. For instance, my list includes my children and husband, as well as extended family and friends, career, self-care, and volunteer work. I know that I can’t work all of it into my calendar every day, but as long as I fit most of it in on a weekly basis, I feel fulfilled and balanced. Some things like hobbies and volunteer work I may have to relegate to a bi-monthly basis, but the important thing is to include it somewhere in my schedule.

Also, your needs could change on any given day. If you’ve had a particularly stressful day at work, then  making time for yourself should take precedence. Or maybe you’ve enjoyed volunteering at the local animal shelter on a weekly basis, but lately you feel like you’re missing out on family life. By all means, cut back on your volunteer work and make more time for family. It’s good to check in with yourself frequently to see if what you’re spending time on is really making you feel balanced.

Remember, life balance isn’t about doing it all. It’s about knowing what makes you feel healthy and happy and then doing it.

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The process of creating a To-Do List is very simple. Write down all of the tasks that you need to complete over the course of the day. Be sure that you include large and small items. Break the large items down into smaller chunks to make it more manageable for your needs. Break down anything that takes longer than two hours to complete into smaller pieces for easier management.

You want to have everything listed on the sheet. Once you have that completed, you can then go back, reread your list and prioritize it. Use the number 1 for all items that are of high importance. Then, go back and mark those that are less important on a sliding scale from the number 1 to the number 20.

If you would like to, you can rewrite your list at that time to make all of the number 1’s at the top of your list. Do take the time to be sure that those things that you have placed at the top of your priority list are important to you. Otherwise, you could be simply procrastinating and pushing yourself further and further behind.

Related posts:

1. Turn Procrastination Into Productivity
2. 5 Strategies for Staying Focused